Thursday, January 5, 2012

Strange Days

I opened my eyes this morning thinking it must be around 9 a.m., no rush to exert the energy to tilt my head towards the clock, but when I finally did it was 11:11. I don't know if you make a wish when the clock has all same digits, but I do, and I wished it was 10:10 and I hadn't just slept through acupuncture.

Live and learn and set the alarm clock next time, even when you don't have to be up until 10 in the morning.

Groggy, foggy, wobbly, downstairs for breakfast and back on the couch for a nap. A nice visit from an old friend T, who I don't see much these days as our lives head in different directions, but she is the very first friend I made in RI and she will always be special for that and we'll always be friends, in some capacity or other which is a very good thing, something I am grateful for. We are a funny pair, couldn't be more different, and I like that too.

I was meant to go to a wake this evening for the mom of a very close and cherished friend. Her mom was a lovely, gentle soul who died at barely 60 from cancer because cancer is the king of stinkers. I don't know that going in my shape was the best idea, but I felt so compelled to pay my respects, that I arranged a ride, but my driver got a call at the last minute that her dad in Michigan had a big ole heart attack and she was off to the airport {because we all have shit to deal with so don't feel sorry for me}. She offered her husband to drive me {so kind}, but I thought he should drive her, and that my wobbly, bobbly self probably wasn't much good to anyone at a wake, especially with all my weepy drugs. I'm so sorry I couldn't make it tonight, but I will make it up in some other way.

And then I was hungry. Crazy hungry and dreaming of burgers, something awakened my inner carnivore, maybe we can only subsist on soup, toast and clementines for so long. I tried to fight it, thought about making some pasta, but that would have entailed an effort and thinking, and the craving wouldn't stop, so I got my delivery menu and just ate a $20 {delivery + tip} bacon burger with grilled onions and pickles and half a diet coke and it was a transcendental experience. Didn't get sick and was without the horrible chemo chemical sludge taste in my mouth for 10 minutes.

Then a much needed shower, and the upside of having very little hair is you don't have to worry about winter evening wet-head. It's dry by the time you step out of the shower, although it was strange how I instinctively reached for a comb for the first time in a while -- old habits.

Tomorrow, my goal remains the same... finally leave house for short walk up to Hope Street, go to bank, bakery, mailbox and a few other quick stops along the way... we'll see. And at 2:45 the school bus comes and I get my love-bug back, as it should be! Even the teenager texted me and said "I'll be home tomorrow." Yay!

I think I'll take a nap now.

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