Sunday, January 29, 2012

Dear Abby,

My goal for today is to spend some time sitting up quietly instead of just laying down, and thanks to my trusty iPad, I can listen to NPR and podcasts wherever I choose to sit. And to digest and file some surreal aspects of my trip to the E.R. yesterday. I knew at the time something was awry, but when you’re in it, you just assume things are normal.

My doctor was really nice, it’s such a life change when you get a crush on your doctor, but it’s a mommy crush... you only want to take them home to bake them cookies and instead of lusting, you’re thinking, gosh, your parents must be so proud of you.

While he was off doing his thing, a “supervising” doctor, a little older, but still pretty young stopped in and we kind of clicked and so he kept coming back to talk with me and hang out and in retrospect, that wasn’t the best thing. He was somewhat flamboyant and his eyes looked really tired or quite stoned and he started giving me life/cancer advice. At first I appreciated the attention, but then... not so much, both due to the content and that I just wanted to close my eyes. I know he meant well, I hate to begrudge anyone paying attention to me in the hospital, but can you say "too much information?"

Live life on your own terms even if it’s just five years, live them so that they count. Not good advice for someone at the beginning of their cancer odyssey. Even though he assured me, I was going to be one of the “winners”.

Take care of your relationships. While it’s a difficult time, it can be tempting to lash out at people, but you want to leave things on good terms. Again, not the best advice for someone at the beginning of their cancer odyssey. Also presumptuous because I don’t indulge in lashing out at people {and nor do most people, Kardashians excluded} unless they really back me into a corner and then yeah, I’ll kick them in the shins, but it’s rare and I must feel like I have no other choice.

And always come to the hospital when in doubt because so often it’s the folks who have beat cancer and are feeling good that get nailed by a heart attack or blood clot brought on by complications from the chemo. And oncologists don’t like to tell you about these things but there’s all sorts of side effects that can kill you even when you’ve beat the cancer. Again, perhaps not the best advice for someone just beginning their cancer treatment. I don't need to know about all the folks that made it to the "one yard line" before keeling over.

I am absolutely not letting myself google “prognosis” today. On the up side, the goody bag side of life, I got a pink plastic disposable bracelet that said “restricted extremity” and that was amusing. Do you have any restricted extremities?

They also wanted to know what kind of port I had because that determined whether they could put the CT scan stuff right into the port or needed new veins and because of my obsessive blog post about it months ago, I was able to spit out “I have a Dignity, thoughtful evolution power port”. They were very impressed but still made me show the card I now carry in my wallet despite being at the same hospital that put it in.

1 comment:

  1. WTF - that emergency room doctor sounds like an absolute idiot. The good news is that he probably does not know what he is talking about. And the better news is you checked out okay. Glad you went to make sure. Keep doing that if you need to. If I am in town and ever stop coughing, I will gladly go with you!