Porch Sofa

Sunday and Monday are the only days I don't have to be at the hospital, a small grace that makes these days blissful. It's a warm, breezy Sunday and I don't have to do anything or be anywhere. Of course I have tons to do, but I don't have to be near a hospital. I'm slowly plodding my way through final payroll for the shop, an awful job anytime, but with my befuddled brain, it's taking me forever and a day.

All I can really think about is my porch. I just splurged and ordered an outdoor sofa from Amazon, free super-saver shipping on something as large as a couch, woo-hoo! I love my porch more than anything. The whole house could float out to sea, but if I still had my big front porch, I'd be fine. I've always wanted a porch and this is the first dwelling I've occupied with one. In preparation, G and I moved the existing, old nasty furniture to the lawn and hosed off the whole porch and all of it's contents. Maybe later I'll get the lights up. I have a hard time spending money on myself and things right now are tight, but I just plain figure I deserve to take shady, breezy, outdoor naps this summer. I think my health insurance should cover it, like therapy.

Oh yeah, my insurance doesn't cover therapy. All this talk about repealing the new healthcare laws scares the shit out of me because the insurance I bought on my own turns out to be kinda sucky. Doesn't cover $1,200 blood transfusions or $347 Neupogen shots {4 times a week for 9 weeks}, luckily the insurance I have through my estranged husbands job is picking up most of the slack, but I only have that through the end of the year or possibly one more, so I'll need to fear a relapse and financial decimation, or just plain being denied treatment because I can't pay. And while it sucks that a healthy person needs to buy insurance to subsidize me, that's civil society, it's called humanity. And what goes around often comes around, someday, some young, healthy person will be subsidizing them. This system is insane. The built in profit margins are cuckoo-beans, when a four shot cancer treatment can cost $180,000, I've read about treatments that are $500,000, that's not even real money, I mean, compare it to minimum wage. I'm grateful to big pharma for making these drugs, but I just can't figure out why Americans are charged so much more when many breakthroughs happen at our subsidized college research labs. Of course I'm really happy that Anne Romney can purchase $1,000,000 dressage horses because they're therapeutic for her MS. I wonder if my insurance covers a million dollar horse. I'm glad it's all working out for the Romney's.

I've paid for health insurance my whole adult life through one company or another and rarely used it until the last few years, so no, it's not o.k. to drop me because now I'm expensive. I think I've been a responsible citizen, I've never required costly incarceration, or {mercifully} needed welfare or food stamps, or job training, I've not clogged up the legal system or asked anything from anyone, I donate to charities, I volunteer in my community, I just need healthcare and I'm willing to pay a fair amount for it, Mostly, I can't bear the ignorance, the propaganda. People barely getting by, who can't afford healthcare, or barely, groceries, howling against "obamacare", cause he's from Kenya I guess, and you can't trust anything from "over there". I just can't wrap my mind around how long we've been arguing about this and then when we make some miniscule progress, all the energy goes to taking that tiny step back. This is real for me, it's not just a newspaper article, I'm worried.