Not Just One Thing

There are over a hundred different kinds of chemotherapy drugs and often more than one are combined to make countless varieties, then if you add in different dosages, different timetables, the possibilities are endless. When I was first diagnosed and headed for chemo, a lot of people told me that they or someone they knew did great with chemo, and worked right through it, or worked part time and were just a little tired.

My first three months of chemo knocked me down for the count and I couldn't imagine how any of these things could be true. What's wrong with me? Why am I such a weak person? But after receiving only Taxol yesterday, which in case you were wondering is made from the bark of the Pacific Yew tree, I feel just fine. Yesterday afternoon I needed a nap and I was a bit wobbly in the evening, but last night and today I feel absolutely fine. Flushed in the face from the scareoids, but that's no biggie and passes in a few days. So yes, there is quite a difference from chemo to chemo. I'm getting Taxol every week and every third week they add on Carboplatin which packs a bigger punch, so that week to two weeks will be worse, but not nearly as bad as the first 3 months. Carboplatin is derived from "metal salts", whatever the heck a metal salt is and it's the drug that's wiping out my white blood cells.

So I guess while it seems helpful, it's best not to share about friends who had no problems with chemo, because chemo isn't one thing. Some are utterly debilitating and some not, best to let the person wait and see for themselves without expectations that can leave them demoralized.

I've been on a cleaning, organizing and purging binge the last few days, making the most of the rainy weather. Packing up winter stuff and most impressively, my dining room is lego-free. If you've ever been in my dining room you understand the depth of this feat. SuperWeirdGuy Productions and all their inventory, has been moved upstairs to the small extra bedroom and there is a table cloth and candles on my dining room table where we can actually now eat, what a concept. It's a veneer-topped mahogany table, the top of it scratched and stained beyond repair, so I want to sand it off and paint it but I can't decide on a color. Periwinkle blue or bright red with silver glitter scattered on. The walls are two shades of orange, it's a tough decision, I've been pondering it for ages, but will I ever do it, that's the question. I'd love to do a collage, but I know I'll never get to that.

I'm doing a lot of just closing my eyes and tossing in the trash and adding to the ever growing yardsale pile, ah, but will I ever actually have a yardsale?... Having a yardsale requires commitment, picking a date and getting everything from basement to driveway, oh, but what a dream.