Sunday, June 17, 2012

Door Jam

Going only partially bald is the final indignity... except it probably won't be. When I went completely bald, my cranium was soft, smooth and required no maintenance. When you go partially, patchily bald, you have to shave, and shaving your head is no easy feat. It's time consuming, it hurts, you have to do it constantly and it's really hard to do a good job. Worst of all, it's prickly, grows quickly, and the back of your head scratches your pillow. Boo, hiss.

I got an insurance statement for the past 2 1/2 - 3 weeks... guess how much I cost in that small time period? O.k., I'll spill, $36,000... in only a couple of weeks, that's not even real money at that point, it's just surreal. An uninsured person with any kind of illness would have no choice but to declare bankruptcy and who does that ultimately serve? Currently, I owe $1,600 for that stint, but my secondary insurance will likely pay for most of it, thank god, and really, it's such a fluke that I have secondary insurance, were I not mid-divorce, at the time of diagnosis, I wouldn't. I thank god a lot for a lifelong atheist... I'm not sure who I'm really thanking, maybe "thank god" means "sigh of relief." The Neupogen shots that would have been $347 each at the pharmacy are $1,600 each at the hospital, four times per week. Getting them at the hospital is inconvenient, but it means hospital has to fight with insurance company and I'm out of the loop, at the pharmacy, I'd have to pay up front and be the one haggling. It just kills me how ultimately small the Affordable Care Act is and instead of trying to add to it and address additional insanities of our healthcare system, the only talk is of repealing it. I would think that just about everyone has been touched by someone with a serious illness, why doesn't that change their perspectives?

Today, J said he was bored and I said "go upstairs and make a movie", "o.k." That works for me! It's been a glorious day on the porch, and I'm about to go grill corn and burgers for dinner. I had plans to go out last night, but I was too tired, I hit an exhaustion wall yesterday and I'm always bummed when I can't do the things I want, but so be it... I'm actually pretty used to it by now.

I have a friend who does a lot of shows over the summer and fall and she's taken my inventory and combined it with hers and is selling it all together and is taking the same commission I take from her at my shop. Our stuff looks great together, she's a far better merchandiser than I. Today was the first day she gave it a shot and apparently it's going really well which boosts my confidence because I tanked at the last wholesale show I participated in.

Tomorrow J starts day camp and I'm taking G shopping to get ready for his month at camp which starts next Sunday. Usually by now, I'm ready for a break, but this year, I really don't want him to go. It will be too quiet without him and I'm really enjoying his company these days. I like chatting with him and he makes me laugh and really, every time I see him standing in a doorway, how close his head is to the door jam, I'm amused.


  1. i was thinking about insurance today too. i heard a conservative on the normal radio (npr = normal people radio!)explaining that the role of government isn't to help people, there's no love in it, charity requires love, the gov't should get out of the charity business, etc. but he said it in a very reasonable way---like you could believe that he was earnest, and that every dollar he saved on taxes in his future anarchy land he would use to help his needy neighbors. so that made me think insurance must be THIS GUY'S DREAM business. it's CHARITY we PAY FOR BY OURSELVES IN ADVANCE. but again, without the love. except for the love we have for ourselves/our families when we pay for their insurance. i realize i am not making sense. only hoping you heard this guy too and have something funny and perfect to say and slice it into bits.

  2. I'm glad I didn't hear it because it would just make me mad, but I know his ilk. Absurd thing is, no one's asking for the gov't to pay for our healthcare {except when we reach a certain age, and somehow that's fine}. We're asking the gov't, which we fund, to regulate a system that is necessary to the functioning of society. Otherwise, it's capitalist anarchy. We want the system not to be rigged against us, we want to pay fair prices and be treated fairly. I think a lot of the problems these days are big pharma and the gov't doesn't want to go near them. We subsidize them, we the taxpayers, via gov't grants and tax breaks, whatever, and they turn around and charge us 10x more for the same products that they sell cheaper to other countries. They're gouging us all to death, it's counterintuitive, it's counter-fair and ethical and yes, I want my gov't to make them play fair because it helps everyone! lot's of people have cancer and a lot of them have diabetes, so they make a lot of these drugs, they have a built in market, so explain how one shot is $1,600. Hospitals are fucked because they have to cover the uninsured, we can't pretend we're not all covering the uninsured, so let's insure them. Insurance companies are making a fortune and have no boundaries. You sign up in good faith, you pay your bills, they only want you when you're healthy and then they arbitrarily decide what care you can and can't have -- they are the "death panels". O,K., I could go on and on, but I'm preaching to the choir, you know all of this!