Monday is my favorite day of the week because it's the second day in a row I don't need to go to the hospital. It gives me a sense of freedom, leash loosened. Then before I know it, it's Tuesday and I'm back in the tank. Tomorrow is double chemo, a long day... I've got to try and change J's piano lesson to another day, it's too much.
A few days ago, I was at the hospital, in the elevator, going up to the third floor, Oncology. Riding up with me was a much older woman and she asked if I was comfortable. I told her I didn't understand and she said "you know, are you comfortable... like that," and she pointed to my head. I told her I was, that I'd gotten used to it, she followed with "because I'm walking around with this thing on my head," while she lifted her wig to show me her bald head, "and on days like today, it's awfully hot and scratchy, I can't stand it, maybe I'll just take it off, I mean if you're comfortable."
At first I thought she was judging me and then I realized what a very great compliment she was paying me. I told her that I thought she'd been through enough and at the very least deserved to be cool and comfortable. I told her that while I hoped my baldness didn't make anyone uncomfortable that if it did, that was really their problem to work out. It is what it is, you know? We happen to be two bald women, why should we hide? Why pretend it's otherwise and while I had a hat on most of the winter in public because bald heads get cold, a scratchy wig on my sweaty head on summer? Ugh, that is too much torture for me.