Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dignity, Thoughtful Evolution

I finally got around to reading the pamphlet that was given to me the day of my port installation... the big plastic thing sewn under my skin attached to a tube that weaves over my collar bone and then down again into an artery, it’s called a Dignity Port and has the tag-line “thoughtful evolution”. According to them, it’s the latest in port technology. There’s a picture of an attractive, in love, middle aged couple who along with the brand name seem to be indicating erectile dysfunction meds or adult diapers. Dignity? I fail to see the dignity in this device or procedure. I think they should be honest and name it the Vlad or Dracula’s keyhole. The kid’s version could have Twilight references. Dignity, who are they kidding? I don’t want to be a bad sport, I know it will come in handy, but I just can’t work up the excitement they’re aiming for in the 12-page booklet.

And what is the Thoughtful Evolution reference all about? Are they implying that if humans were to evolve thoughtfully, we’d grow plastic “power Injection” ports instead of wings? We’d choose this over learning to use a bigger portion of our brain, or have larger lungs so we could swim under water longer? Given the choice, this is not the way I would Thoughfully Evolve.

Waiting for my Fairy Cancer God Mother to walk up the street and get me. Can’t choke down breakfast, so writing instead. I love you laptop. More on my FCGM later. I usually don’t go anywhere without showering, but I’d rather go over there skanky and wash off all the hospital germs when I get home. I was about to say, I hate hospitals, but that’s kind of a no-brainer, aside from staff, who doesn’t hate hospitals?


  1. I agree, I'm not sure Darwin would extrapolate this device from his theory. Good luck today. Thinking of you! Erin

  2. Lets evolve cells that never have a cancerous thought!

  3. dracula's keyhole made me laugh. but now we need to know: how was it? how are you? how are the boys? what's on TV? etc.

  4. thinking of you and hope it went well (or at least not incredibly awful) today.