Beyond Perpendicular

My hiatus is over and I met my new oncologist this morning. I like Dr. Sikov so much better than my previous doctor. I was annoyed that I waited almost an hour, but appreciated that he spent so much unrushed time with me, and so is now probably running even later... that being the case, I'm willing to wait.

Dr. S was much more informative and simply exuded a sense of confidence and honesty that I didn't get from my previous doc. I can't envision him pouting at me, thank god. I'm back in the chemo chair next Monday where I'll be getting Taxol every week and additionally, every third week I'll be getting Carboplastin, so those weeks will be worse. The whole walk home I was trying to remember the name of that drug... carbonara, carburator, carbonated.

I'm feeling demoralized, maybe it's the grey, cold weather, maybe it's being back on the medical treadmill with three appointments this week, maybe it's the odds of my cancer, what a sucky, nasty cancer I wound up with. Maybe it was trying to shop for new shirts yesterday and coming home with nothing. Maybe it's everything and nothing Vitamixed into a frothy blend. I feel sad that it's come to this, that I've come to this.

I did have a PT breakthrough yesterday. I was lifting my arms to the sides, getting only slightly beyond perpendicular as usual, and then all of a sudden, something gave way and I slowly and with great care {and pain} was able to lift my arms over my head. It hurt, it was strangely exhausting, but I was able to do it and that was a relief.