Violent Vegetables

I missed the Cowboy Junkies but I got to see David Sedaris last night and the entire auditorium spent an hour laughing themselves silly. I so appreciated the chance to laugh and have always so admired his gift for smooth, rhythmic well constructed story writing. He's great live, totally endearing, so if you ever have the chance, go, go, go, unless you're easily grossed out or offended and then stay, stay, stay home.

And I surely do agree with his policy of fining autograph seekers $1 if they say "awesome". Sadly, it's making me realize how often I say "awesome", I think it's time for many of us to hit the thesaurus.

I'm reading my VitaMix handbook and it says "if food is violently thrown to the container walls, the speed is set too high." I admit, I'm a little intimidated by the Vitamix. I think I'll start slowly today with fruit smoothies. I'm a tad disappointed that the makers focus solely on the motor and not at all on the industrial design, that sucker is big and ugly, but this detracts not from my giddy with excitement. I have a beautiful Rag & Bone Bindery blank book that I'm going to use as a smoothie journal. I'm all set.

I realized yesterday how lucky I am that there's only one person in my whole wide orbit that looks the other way when they see me coming and if they get trapped into acknowledging my presence they speak to me in a hushed, catastrophic tone "how are you doing?" they'll whisper tragically. Holy moly, I'd have put my head in the oven if everyone treated me that way and the contrast of their attitude to all the others I meet, has made me realize how brave and strong everyone around me is. Everyone's willingness to look my bald self in the eyes, to laugh at my inappropriate jokes and to just be so damned present. You people have sustained me. And the people that haven't forgotten me while I'm in the cancer cave, who continue to send cards and reach out, lifesaving. Everyone keeps asking me what I need and really, that's all I need right now. When you've been house bound and helpless, being self-sufficient is a glorious thing. So while I can do my own shopping and cooking I'll happily do it! It's not easy having cancer, but nor is it easy having a friend with cancer, please know that I know this.

A few days ago I heard Terry Gross interviewing a famous poet I'd never heard of who said something to the effect of -- pain is inevitable, sorrow is a choice.