Pendulum always swings

My post surgery, so happy to have that behind me exuberance is turning to fatigue and anxiety. I'm realizing how long it will really be for this giant incision to fully heal and it was a bit shocking and strange to see myself in a sweater... the way it just hangs.

I need to get off the narcotics I think, so blissful at first and then so quickly they turn on you. I've been having post-apocalyptic dreams every night which are exhausting and disorienting. My back is starting to hurt because I can't lie any other way, I'm dying to roll over and sleep on my side, but I think that will be a while.

Yesterday, I had the worst itch on my left nipple, but I don't have a left {or right} nipple, so there was nowhere to scratch. It was maddening, one of the worst physical {mental} sensations I've ever felt. Luckily it didn't last too long or I might have just started screaming, it was that disconcerting. I think it activated my anxiety generator.

Now that the drains are out, I'm swelling a bit, I know my body can reabsorb the fluid, but it's uncomfortable and yucky and I'm counting the hours until my heavenly, record-breakingly long shower tomorrow.