Sunday, February 19, 2012


Can’t sleep, can’t be awake. In the throes of the ittery, jittery, nanomites crawling up and down the inside of me. Tight heart beating fast, hard to catch a breathe. Hate this feeling, hate it, hate it. Keep telling myelf it will pass, it did last time, but when? A day, or two or three? Too long, too long. And all for the absence of a smashing success of a result, so what’s next? what gruesome regimen? What surgery, or surgeries, more than I’d bargained for, prepared for.

Hot, cold, hat on, hat off, heat on, heat off, zip up, zip down, night sweats and stomach cramps. Haven’t seen my kids since Thursday, longest time ever. We all have our limits and this is mine, but what do we do when we meet our limit? What do we do?

1 comment:

  1. i know it may sound trite, but think good thoughts...if you can, look at pictures from a happier time...what gave you peace before, try to revisit that if possible. audio books? might be a good distraction even if it just puts you to sleep. ask for what you need ....
    xxx g