Five Weeks

I had such a nice day yesterday. A good solid day. I worked at the shop, all by myself for a change and not only got through it just fine, but I really enjoyed myself, it wasn't a case of just gutting it out. I Saw some old friends I didn't expect to see anytime soon and it was lovely, and we had truck lunch together and what is better than truck lunch with old friends?

I stayed after closing and did a little work and then in the evening a friend came over to watch a movie. On Friday, I had two friends over for lunch and it was super-duper. I've been really bad about letting people come over, even though it's probably in my best interest to. This is supposed to be my "good" week and based on yesterday I had high hopes, but I guess in my alternate universe it's best not to have hopes based on one day to the next cause things work differently here.

Today I woke up all congested and with a sore throat. After breakfast, I was sitting in front of the fire and I heard someone rolling my trash can out for trash night. When I looked outside I saw my neighbor sitting on a retaining wall, so I went out to say thanks and fetch the paper. It's nice out today, so I sat with him in the sun and we chatted, it was nice. But then I started to cough a lot, so I went in and by the time I reached my door, I had to break into a run. I'm so glad I did the dishes this morning, I'm so glad I ground up a lemon in the garbage disposal, I'm so glad I have a garbage disposal and a spray-thingy. Yep, perfect place to puke... and puke... and puke. So far superior than spending time at the alter of the porcelain goddess, I think whoever invented the garbage disposal should have won a nobel prize. And yes, I know they're bad for the environment, although I can't remember why, and I don't care. Even when I'm not puking, I think it's one of the best modern conveniences.

I don't think this is chemo barf, I think it's I-caught-a-bug barf, because I'm in the valley, the low, low valley of diminished white cells. Damn.

I officially declare this as piling on, where can I lodge a complaint?

I think I give up. Not big picture give up, but realistic give up. I have five more weeks of chemo. I just accept that they're going to suck. After one good day I was having delusions of grandeur... maybe I can get back to work... maybe I should call my rep. and tell him it's o.k. to start selling my work again. Nope. Anything good that happens in the next five weeks I'll take as a gift, but I'll expect nothing, make no decisions or even look ahead more than an hour based on how I'm feeling.

Five more weeks. Seven down, five to go... and I'm just going to do them hour by hour.