I’m dreaming of Toyotas, shiny, pretty Toyota RAV4s. After weeks of pouring over auto websites and viewing and reviewing the specs and the galleries, the darkhorse Toyota, originally not considered due to preconceived fear of price, dashed up and stole my heart. I don’t know what the specs and ameneties are, I don’t know the gas mileage, I just know I like the dashboard design, it has round air vents, I like round and I like it’s shape. I think it’s the smartest looking of the vehicles I've been pondering so I’ve decided not to obsess, not to spend weeks test driving five different brand cars, I’m just gonna go hunt me down a sweet little Toyota. I loved the Corolla I had years ago, so that’s that. Somewhere out there is a fabulous deal on a RAV4, I just know it.
I had the worst insomnia last night, it’s just getting worse and worse. Popped two Vicodin’s and still couldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. Maybe it was the chemical cake bomb I ate, maybe there was a chemical conflict when it encountered all the chemicals already swimming around inside me. When I’m finally done with my five days per week at the clinic, I can spend some time having acupuncture and easing into exercise and hopefully that will help. Of course, before I know it, I’ll be at radiation five days a week, cancer is time consuming.
Now that I’m done with chemo, I’m anxious for hair sprouts. I wonder what it will be like to just blend in, look like everyone else. I wonder if it will be easier or harder when I look normal on the outside, but don’t feel normal on the inside. Maybe surreal is just going to be my new normal, in so many respects.