I think Cumulative is the word of the week. I've been feeling really tired and druggy all week and sleeping poorly, getting confused, so that despite having had my last chemo, I don't feel celebratory. I've been doing chemo for so long now and still popping into the clinic every day for my shots that it just doesn't feel real yet. It will feel real when I'm feeling a little better, but for now, I'm just going through a normal chemo dose aftermath, complete with chipping a tooth on gum... gum!
I was trudging through the grocery store tonight at my snail's pace and I ran into someone I know peripherally and they said "you look like you're going to fall over" and I blurted out "status quo baby, that's the way I rolls." They wished me good luck and went on their way, but yay for me, I amused myself if no one else, I don't know where that response came from.
The tall one typed my grocery list into my phone for me and after he brought in the groceries and I put them away we settled into a taped Daily Show episode followed by a little Shark Week and I am so acutely aware of what a sanctuary my little family is, so grateful for my home, my cozy, safe haven. We may not be perfect, but we're always nice to each other, there's never any yelling, or ignoring, we're always chatting it up or just quietly enjoying each other's company. Even now as I'm typing, he'll rewind the good scenes and tell me when to look up to see a big shark jumping out of the water. Little one is sitting at the computer behind me playing his beloved MineCraft and on-line chatting with his friends doing the same and giggling to himself non-stop, but he joins in the conversation when he feels like it.
While I was at the store I had a craving for frozen cake, I've had this before but don't follow through. Tonight I gave in and bought a Pepperidge Farm Frozen Cake {with "decorative frosting"... as opposed to the non-decorative, utilitarian frosting?}, in other words, Cancer Cake, containing 0% real food, the kind of food I've sworn off. It was disgusting, so sweet, cardboard texture, I can't get the sickly, artificial taste out of my mouth, and it gave my such a headache. I'm glad I bought it though, because I'll never be tempted by that odd craving again, yuck. I also treated us to a Kermit the Frog Pez Dispenser, I can't resist a quality new Pez Dispenser, and while J is the Pezaholic, G and I loved Sesame Street, so Kermit rightfully joins our collection.
The boys are with their father this weekend and no kidnapping them back for me. I'm going to have a me, me, me weekend. Lot's of naps, porch time, a little studio time and I have a few choices of just plain enjoyable things I'd like to do, it remains to be seen whether I do any of them, but I need the wide open time. No sooner did I get back from last chemo than little boy spiked a fever and turns out to have the Coxsackie virus. Not dangerous, but sore throat and sores in his mouth, it's more serious if you're younger. He was so cute, "oh no, I can't have your delicious smoothies because the doctor said not to have any citrus and you put orange juice in." No worries, I can use apple.
Little J. Beautiful boy.
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