Sunday, March 4, 2012


With my brand new, shiny, hemoglobin, I went to the grocery store today and lived to tell the tale. I haven't been able to make it to the store in at least a month, so it was a small, if somewhat pedestrian victory.

Later today, my event-planning partners are coming over to jury our fine upcoming event, in the back of my mind I know I might not be there, day of, and that makes me sad and worried, because I'm girl on the ground, come event day. Nor will the artist who just recalled her application be there, as she's just been diagnosed with breast cancer -- can you say epidemic? And again, this is not an old woman, this is someone in their 40s with young{ish} children. Luckily her cancer was caught reasonably early and she is smart and savvy with a plan in place, and an excellent support system, who is now, much in my thoughts.

Craftopia is the only part of my business I've been able to keep up with albeit barely, and I have much catching up to do this week. It's my labor of love, much more than a business {because it wouldn't pay anyone's bills} but I'm glad we're keeping the momentum going. In fact we have the best pool of applicants yet and I think it will be our most fabulous show yet, I really want to be there. I'm glad I have partners to keep me from throwing in the towel, plus my partners are awesome, it's so nice to have people you can work seamlessly with, I don't think that happens all that often, it certainly doesn't for me.

Plans are very much on my mind as I have both oncologist and surgical consults late in the week. It seems unlikely that I will be able to have reconstruction along with my mastectomy because I need radiation afterwards. Before radiation, I need 3 more months of chemo, so this would be a long time to be uniboobular and I feel I've had indignities enough. This makes me think a double mastectomy might be the way to go. When all is said and done, I might decide I'm comfortable and don't need reconstruction where if I have a single, I will definitely need reconstruction because I don't see getting comfortable with having only one boob, no way, and I'll be having only that one boob for almost a year, ugh.

I'm thinking that after phase one: diagnosis and a zillion tests; phase two: 3 months of totally debilitating chemo; phase three: surgery and recovery; phase four: 3 more months of chemo: phase five: 6 weeks of daily radiation... I might just be done. I might not be up for another surgery and with the one boob, I'll have to have more surgery. I'm thinking enough might be enough. And who's to say I don't get a different breast cancer down the line? I'm certainly not confident in the diagnostic abilities available as besides the actual cancer, they put me in this boat by missing it over and over {and over}.

More and more women are choosing double mastectomies so they don't have to worry, doctor's don't like it, doctor's really like lumpectomies even when they're not all that feasible. So this week, we'll see who persuades who.


  1. I think it's probably not that easy to predict how you'd feel being uniboobular; you've written here that you don't mind being bald all that much, and you wouldn't have expected that. And that you didn't internalize what "cumulative" meant with respect to chemo until it was happening to you. I'm sure it's got to be hard for such a self-aware person to keep being surprised by things she was pretty sure she'd be able to predict, but it seems with asking in the context of uniboobularity: Can you really be sure you know how you'll feel?

  2. on this one... i'm pretty sure... can you imagine having just one pendulus boob, what a pain in the neck, i really would feel freakish, the uni-boobed lady in the side show. if there's one thing i like it's symmetry.

  3. The unabashed evil capitalist in me sees an opportunity to go crafty with uni-boobilism and create a whole line of uni-boobular wear to fill that niche'. Your consumer base will be small (although you never know, seeing breast cancer is an epidemic) but fanatic. And advertising will go viral because rabid fans will show off their uni-boob wear at all the "walk for a cure" walks and bike-a-thons and relay hatchet races. A portion of the proceeds will go towards a cure. Of course. (INSERT EVIL CAPITALIST LAUGHTER HERE)