Thursday, November 17, 2011

Downhill Racer

Every appointment has brought more bad news, i'm starting to feel like i'm starring in a black comedy and i'm the stinkin' punchline. i'm also no longer capitalizing my i's... life is short, capital letters take time, and unless they begin a sentence, i'm considering them expendable.

I learned today that i have what's called Triple Negative Cancer. The negatives refer to the hormone receptors, so all the wonderful new, hormone blocking treatments are off the table. It is also the quickest growing, most aggressive type of breast cancer. Seeing the oncologist tomorrow. I was going to throw in some snarky "yay"s, but i can't even be sarcastic about this -- i'm snarkless.

Believe it or not, there is something called a Tumor Board... 20 or so various medical professionals in a room looking at your slides projected on a screen and discussing them and best course forward. I'm seeing an oncologist tomorrow and most likely it will be immediate chemo, then surgery, then chemo, then radiation. a little more than i'd bargained for {and it looks like capital a's are now optional as well}.

I did NOT know that 40% of cancers don't respond to chemo... that scares me. Honestly, maybe i'm a little slow on the uptake, but i've not been truly scared until now and currently, i'm three steps past scared, well into terrified.

I thought cancer-shmancer... sucks, yeah, but i'm tough, it will be a god awful year and then i'll be fine. One year. I was willing to give up a year of my life to cancer, I didn't expect it might want a whole lot more than that.
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10 comments:

  1. kimNovember 17, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    Try not to think past today. It isn't much to offer but that's all I have. Well, aside from asking a physician for a sedative. You deserve any sense of calm you can get.

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  2. RosLindaNovember 17, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    So well put, Kim. With 20 "medical professionals" with a huge range of experience and opinion, you'll surely get a distillation of what's the smartest way forward, and that gives me a heck of a lot more confidence than just one or two people looking at your films This sucks more than words can say. I am planning to see you on Sunday at Rhody...

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  3. K T CNovember 17, 2011 at 7:32 PM

    oh yay, i'd love to see you linda. and we're having thanksgiving here if you want to come... shorter drive than VT.

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  4. ChristopherNovember 17, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    I'll throw in some snarky triple negative yays for you:
    nay nay nay yay
    nay nay nay yay
    nay nay nay yay
    Third time's the charm, Luckybird

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  5. lonNovember 17, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    .....as always,lon

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  6. KimNovember 18, 2011 at 5:20 AM

    Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Like Kim said, you can only do one day at a a time. I think you will feel better when you have a solid plan of attack. xoxo Kim

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  7. ReyNovember 18, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    Craptastic. I'd say a big fat drink was in order. Want one? How about 4?

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  8. debhickeyNovember 18, 2011 at 11:18 AM

    What would you like from the truck on Sunday? Or should I just bring that super fantastic meatloaf sandwich?

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  9. Wendy B.November 18, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    i hope to make it to the show sunday... and if i miss you in the throngs of your fans, please know i am thinking of you and an excellent outcome.
    xo,wendy

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  10. K T CNovember 18, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    deb, on sunday, i'm buying 100 tacos from poco loco tacos for all the vendors and anyone else who wants one. so sunday, i'm loco for tacos!

    and wendy b. many thanks.

    and to the fabulous miss renee, i'd love to chat sometime, talk clinical trials and all that, i'm told my triple neg has a lot of trials going on but that i'm likely not a candidate due to the hep c which really fucks things up further... would love your input. as lovely as a cocktail sounds, i'm already incoherent enough

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