Monday, September 10, 2012

No Boobs, No Balance

I forgot to mention that while at the aquarium yesterday, I held the door open for some folks leaving the penguin house and one of them was wearing my earrings! I have to admit, it's always a thrill to see someone wearing my jewelry where I least expect to.

I'm still a radiation virgin. It turned out my first zap is tomorrow, today was more x-rays and blood work. More laying on a table half naked in a freezing cold room, like a piece of meat while people push and pull to arrange me just so. Lots of waiting and not moving and technicians bustling about, drawing on me with markers, and taking pictures. The rooms with the fancy machines are always freezing because it seems the machine's need it so, we are mere accessories so the machines and everyone else have something to do. I know that's not true, but that's how it feels, western medicine is very dehumanizing, they treat everything but our brain and as informed as I try to keep myself, I often have no idea what the hell is going on... how the system works. As fidgety a person as I am, I've mastered becoming a statue, I leave my body, and barely even remember being there.

In the changing room, I met a woman who also had triple neg. and who has two young kids and who's husband is in the hospital because he's been fighting some sort of leukemia for a few years. Unequal distribution of misery. I felt really badly for her. She has the appointment right before mine every day, so it will be interesting to compare treatment notes.

I'm exhausted from the weekend, truly and utterly and today I had to drive an hour and be on my feet for a couple of hours and my feet were screaming. My balance was terrible, I'd just be standing there and then suddenly loose balance like someone bumped into me, but no one there. It happened a lot yesterday too, no likey. I think this definitely rules out the full-time job at McDonald's opposing counsel suggested in early divorce negotiations. The boobs ain't coming back, I hope the balance and working feet do... and the vision... and the energy, this could be a long list and little boy is waiting for popcorn and Dr. Who.

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