Adios Amigos

Last night I had a good talk with the guys. I realized that the tall one is a bit jealous that he’s not coming, he loves the beach, and he’s having some interest in learning to dive. The little, not so little one has been worried about my safety. He’d heard something, maybe from the instructional scuba videos I was watching a few months back, to get my certification, that if a diver gets trapped, you shouldn’t try to save them, you’ve got to save yourself. I explained that I’m a novice diver, and not an adventure diver. I don’t go down very deep, I’ll be with R who’s a very experienced diver and with a group. We’re just going to see critters, I explained, no wreck diving, nothing dangerous or even near dangerous. I told him I’d email every night or two telling him about my adventures and letting him know I’m safe. I think that made him feel better, I know it actually, the kid audibly signed with relief and his whole self seemed to unclench.

Additionally, I was finally just plain honest with them. I told them it’s been a tough spell for me, I got divorced and while I knew that was hard for them, it was hard for me too and very sad, and then I got sick, and I have a lot of things to worry about and I have to start doing things for me, to relax and have fun. I hoped they’d agree that I’ve taken really good care of them and always put their needs first, probably too much so, and that they are the most bestest part of my life, but everyone needs a break and a change of scenery and this wouldn’t be my last trip and mostly, that I’d really love it if they were happy for me and that when I came home, we could work together to make life a little easier.

I’d spent the week figuratively dope slapping the big one and by the end of the week he seemed to turn around and actually listen to me a little and started being helpful and more pleasant.

I had to wake him up at 4:30 this morning to drive me to the airport. He’s a deep sleeper, it was funny, he kept looking at me with blank eyes and mumbling “I’m confused, I’m confused, what? I’m really confused.” Then he sprang out of bed and later he said that he had no idea where he was and then thought he was at camp and someone was pranking him. Camp is big on the pranks. He’d be an easy mark I think, with that deep sleep thing.

We had a great chat on the drive and he was able to recite all the things he’s supposed to do while I’m gone, (evidence of actually listening), feed cats, look out for potholes when driving my car, aka craters, cause that’s how we roll here in the smallest state, I think we buy our paving materials from the mafia who gets it from the dump and they charge us double and it lasts half as long. I told him that I would love to take him diving before college but that I just plain can’t afford it, that since the divorce, money is tight and he said, “yeah, I’m starting to get that, but don’t worry mom, once I’m set in the world, I got you.” Fantasy, but so, so sweet, I needed to hear that sentiment after the patch we’ve been going through.

I went to bed early last night and little boy didn’t protest, which is actually a big deal, going to bed sans emotional blackmail, an honest to goodness treat. When he climbed into bed with me later he said “I love you mom, I hope you have a really great trip.” So I’m leaving in good spirits.

I’m also leaving by the skin of my teeth, because I didn’t get to the airport as early as I should have and just made it onto the plane. Squeezed in as the last passenger, the plane was already boarded.

Take off was beautiful, condensation pulling across the windows, the moon and sunrise and all the snowy patches below. I’m flying to Baltimore where I’m meeting my beach buddy and by later today I’ll step out into the warmth of Cancun and we’ll make our way down to Playa del Carmen where our agenda is packed. Dive around Cancun, take ferry to Cozumel, dive there, find a Cenote to swim in and maybe see the ruins in Tulum. Then there’s the margaritas and lounge chairs and mostly the warm, warm, warmity warm.

I didn’t bring my laptop last trip, but decided to so so this time at the last minute with strict rules attached, writing and researching travel only. No facebook except to post pix, no emailing except to kids and once a day tops, no news, no web surfing, none. In a perfect world, we’d all have a 13” Macbook air for traveling, a 15” for home, an iPad for home and another to keep at work, as it’s my cash register. I don’t even have a sleeve, my poor metal baby’s been wrapped in a towel in my back pack.

In a perfect world we all get more vacations.