I have regrown hair on all parts of my body, except, curiously, in my armpits. I could understand the absence of hair on the right side due to radiation, but what about the left? Is it our natural craving for symmetry? If so, I say, three cheers, I am a girl who likes symmetry. Nonetheless, every, and I mean, every, single, time, I shave my legs, I shave under my arms. Sometimes I shave both, sometimes I stop myself midway through, remembering that there’s no need. Our habits, our muscle memories are so deeply entrenched. Just so you know... the public hair was the first to go and the very last to return, I don’t know why, it’s perplexing.
Yesterday after my doctor’s appointment, I did what I realize I always do. I wrote, it was cathartic and then I felt exhausted and my brain, week old mashed potatoes. So I went home, climbed in bed, set alarm and pulled blankets over head. Got up two hours later thanks to alarm and went to middle school pick up, were it not for that I would have stayed in bed all day. And as soon as that chirpy, little love bug got in the car and started, well, chirping, I felt completely myself again, and quite thoroughly back in the present. I had a really nice afternoon/evening with the boys and today I feel fine. Yes, there’s a little, dark phantom following me, damn these stalkers, I can feel it, but it’s keeping it’s distance. I used to go to pieces for days, even weeks, but I really have gotten better about shaking it off, being in the present and waiting for whatever will be, to be. I’m not thinking the worst. I really think everything will be fine. Maybe I’m deluded, but regardless of what happens in a week or a month or a year, it seems entirely tragic, to miss a minute of what i have right this very minute. And in this minute, I feel healthy and alive and I have joy in my heart, so I’m not going to waste it.