Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Dope Slap

I’ve been cancer-free now for a few weeks and well, it was just too dull. I missed the doctor’s, I missed hospitals, I missed getting jabbed with needles that really hurt, and so I devised a cunning plan to stab myself three times, simultaneously in the same hand and to bleed as much as possible. No easy feat... I’m not sure how this was actually possible, but since replaying it in my mind trying to figure out the chain of actions and reactions makes me queasy, I’ll leave it a mystery. However, it seems that if you combine chemo-brain {poor decision making abilities}, brand new, very sharp paring knife from IKEA and a bag of chestnuts, you get emergency room, puncture wound in palm, stitches in thumb, lot’s of bandages and a tetanus shot. I am now officially a drama queen, reluctant, but none the less, I think I qualify.

I’ve been wholly infatuated with roasted chestnuts the past few weeks. I bought some at the farmer’s market recently and scored them with an X on top, roasted the little angels in the oven and then sprinkled with sea salt, and accompanied by a couple of juicy clementine's they were intoxicating. When you roast them, the X opens up making a little pouch that you just peel away, they’re gorgeous, the perfect snack -- aesthetically pleasing, delicious and nutritious.

A few years ago, when I had a working fireplace I tried to roast chestnuts by wrapping them in foil and tossing them in the fire. I didn’t know you had to score them first to avoid launching a volley of flaming projectiles. One by one they exploded, sounding like gunfire, and shot across the room taking refuge under the couch. There were no casualties, but not everyone was amused and burnt carpet doesn’t smell good.

I was at Stop & Shop the other day and was thrilled to see an overflowing bin of chestnuts so I stocked up. They were harder to slice this time and the very minute I thought “girl, you are gonna cut yourself,” I cut myself, duh.

Yet again, disabled, I’m taking a few days off of work to holiday shop which I didn’t get to do last year because I was already so sick from chemo. My hair fell out a couple of days after Christmas. I wandered aimlessly around target today, tomorrow I’m going to the mall, I need to ogle some Apple products and buy some presents. On Saturday, I’m throwing myself a Birthday BINGO party which the boys are really excited about and that makes me happy beyond words. The tall one keeps offering to help {!} and they both have lot’s of suggestions for the guest list which I think is sweet as can be. I’m not used to celebrating my birthday because in years past I left it to someone who wasn’t interested and last year I had chemo on my birthday and so a party this year, the last of my forties, seems necessary. I want my kids to learn how to celebrate. Celebrate well and celebrate often.

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