Friday, July 12, 2013

Tax Time

I’m sitting in my accountants office waiting to do my taxes, but he’s been on a conference call for the last 50 minutes with a client and their estate planning attorney, I've been listening so long, I've figured out who the players are. He's a good guy and since he’s patient with my disorganization over the years, I can put up with his. I feel funny sitting here listening to this maddening conversation with a big, old, red-eyed dog sleeping on my feet. I know way too much about how much Elsie and the kids are inheriting. I think it's a sheep dog, he is big.

I was in whole foods the other night picking up something for dinner at the prepared food bar. I was getting hot food and the round cardboard containers I prefer weren’t present in the medium size. The large size seemed wastefully large and the fold up cardboard containers always leak. So I grabbed a medium sized plastic container and while filling it up I noticed a large man hovering. I thought he wanted to go next, but not so lucky. As soon as I snapped on the lid he loudly accosted me with “so you must really like having petroleum products mixed in with your food”. I was in my grocery store haze, end of day, very hungry daze and it took a minute to register, so I stammered, “oh, plastic container, hot food, I know I’m not supposed to do this, but they were out of the containers I usually use.” You should have used the large one, he told me, but apparently you enjoy leeching petroleum into what you eat, would you pour crude oil on your food, because you're doing the same thing. Then he went into how much I must love big oil and how I shouldn’t even shop there if I’m going to just put my organic food into plastic and mix it with petroleum, I’m wasting my money. I gotta say, I was just shell shocked and when he launched into the evils of the plastic water bottles which I wasn't even buying, I started walking away, faster, and he followed me, towered over me, but then I ran into someone I know and just turned my back and started talking, babbling really, because I was kind of shaken up, the whole encounter was so surreal, and so hostile. It’s awful when someone pops out of thin air just to tell you how stupid you are.

Oh my god, it’s been over an hour now and the estate planner's voice is really irritating. This appointment was supposed to be a joyous occasion where I cap off my week of productivity. I’ve retained my lady lawyer, my refinance is in the approval pipeline, my taxes are soon, so soon to be done. They’re confusing the shit out of this poor multi-million dollar business owner, lawyers, ugh. He seems like a really nice man, the lawyer is a pitbull and she’s on his side. I already know there are five kids, not sure if any are shared or they both came into the marriage with kids, I'm pretty sure it's a second marriage for at least one of them. He's a farmer, he's a nice man and direct. When he tries to be funny with the lawyer, it's like he's speaking a different language to her, I know that feeling. Oh snap, he just said, really calmly, "I am really confused, I really don't know what the hell you're talking about." Me neither, I can't follow her at all, she's making things wildly confusing. Yep, make a problem for someone and then charge them to fix it. My accountant, I don't even know where he is, he keep leaving, I think he's pretty bored too.

The length of this appointment is going to cut into my gym time and defeat my goal of getting there 3x this week. Fair market value, insurance policies, who’s taking over the business, what if this one dies before that one, yikes!

70 minutes, I’m getting impatient. I’m not even sure why my accountant is on this call, he’s spoken up once.

Luckily Elsie has gotten an inheritance, so she’s all set either way.

Oh, at last my taxes are done, phew, but I’m too late for the gym, I’ll try again next week.

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